omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
