Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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