And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
