Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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