i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
