they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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