Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
