I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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