just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
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