She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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