There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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