Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
