Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We have started to decorate penises.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
