That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
