May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize