Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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