It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
