Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
