with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
True strength comes from lack of pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
