my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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