she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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