it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
