don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
