thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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