Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
