We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
