In the future we'll all be gay
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
