I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
