Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
