I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
