1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
