all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
