Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
