me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
