i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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