Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
