Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
