Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
