I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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