You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
