dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
