Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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