There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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