True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
