I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
