I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
