I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
