is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
