what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
