Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
