I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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