Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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