either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
