did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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