I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
