NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
