Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
