he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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