oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
