I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
