dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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