Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
