i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
