Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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