why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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